One Crazy Old Single Lady

Hello! Thank you so much for stopping by and taking a glimpse into this window of what I can’t believe, at the age of almost 58 years old, is my life.

So, let’s start with the basics…
My name is Lisa, and I am a single woman living in West Texas. I have three grown children, all in thier 30’s, and seven grandchildren…six boys and one girl. I am three times divorced (six years now since the most recent one), unemployed, flat broke, utterly miserable, and diligently attempting to keep my sense of humor about it. I didn’t get this way due to any addiction to drugs or alcohol. I rarely drink, and I’ve never done drugs other than the occasional use of marijuana. It just happened, mostly because of circumstances beyond my control. I’m sure, though, to some extent, it was also because of my own bad decisions.

Not long ago, however, I felt like I was well on my way to the top of the world. I had great career as a Realtor that was taking off quite nicely. I looked good, I felt good, had a lot of great friends, and was having FUN!

After my divorce in 2020, I set out on a journey of self improvement. You know…the whole “revenge body” thing. I got on a strict keto died, started working out regularly, taking an extensive regimen of vitamins, and GIRL…..let me tell ya, I was GLOWING! Even my ex-husband took notice. In the first year after our split, I could see on his face that vibe of regret when he looked at me, and it was fucking FABULOUS! He would tell me, with that hint of sadness in his eyes, “Wow. You look really good.” To which I would simply respond with a smug smile.

At the age of 52, I was attracting the attention of more men than I did in my 20’s or 30’s, and taking full advantage. I did a swan dive into the deep end of the dating pool like I was competing for a medal. (Only to find out it was full of more pollutants than I could shake a stick at, but that is a story for a later blog). I had a feeling of confidence, and self-esteem that I hadn’t felt in a very long time…if ever…and it was glorious. I was so happy and content in my place in this world, and in my own skin. And, in my mind at the time, I thought this journey was only beginning. This seed I had planted had only started to sprout, and all I had to do was keep doing what I was doing, and I would eventually reap a bountiful harvest. I knew I had a long way to get to where I wanted to be, but I never dreamed for a moment that I wouldn’t get there, or that my journey could be so drastically derailed.

Boy, was I ever wrong.

The last 21 months and 2 weeks of my life have been absolutely NOTHING….and I mean NOTHING…but one brutal blow after another. Everyone goes through tough times. There’s certainly been many in my own life before…everything from losing loved ones to death, divorce, money issues, family issues, health issues & crises (including three bouts with cancer)…but I’ve always gotten through it, and came out stronger on the other side. Not this time, though. This time, it simply WILL NOT end. No matter what I do, I can’t get a break. Somewhere, someone has a voodoo doll of me, with an endless supply of needles to poke into it, and the unwavering energy to continue beating & kicking it into a shit filled, putrid swamp. And, they are having the time of their life doing so, too.

If you think I’m kidding, or exaggerating at all, then stick around. Read these blogs, and then judge for yourself. Something in this universe wants me destroyed. It will NOT let me win. After reading my continually unfolding account of it all, I’m sure you will agree with me.

Now, you may ask why I would want to put it all out here on the internet in a blog. Why would ANYONE want to air their dirty laundry like that? It’s stupid, right? Well, maybe so. Especially given the fact doing so only opens me up to a lot of judgement and criticism by people who might know me in real life. After all, I do come from a small town where gossip is the most popular sport in the community. The people there dare not EVER share any part of their life that does not depict it as being anything but completely ideal. You know….the family pics in matching outfits around Thanksgiving. The celebrations of anniversaries, birthdays, vacations, and all the little, “Look how blessed I am,” moments that they want people to believe make up their entire existence. God forbid you share any imperfections in your life, lest anyone might think you HAVE any. (I would like to insert an eye-roll emoji right here, but have no idea how to do yet on this brand new website/blog)

Well, I am not one of those perfect-existence people. Actually, nobody is, but I don’t see any shame in admitting it. And, I can’t be the only one. I KNOW I’m not the only one. Life can be so hard, I don’t care who you are. And, when it is, we all need an outlet through which we can vent, and someone we can vent to. Maybe I’m just hoping that through this blog, someone can read my story and relate to it. Maybe someone else who is suffering right now can feel like they are not alone. Maybe someone out there who can make me feel like I’m not alone. I would love to connect with anyone else out there who has experienced anything like I have been going through for such a prolonged period of time. Because it takes a mental and emotional toll on you that would never see coming. I mean….that’s the kind of thing people just don’t talk about. Maybe its time they did. Because, isn’t that where healing begins?

Therapy.

That’s what this blog is. Therapy.

But, honestly, I think most of all, I would like for it to be a follow-along, day-by-day account of my road back to recovery. So help me, God, I’m gonna get through this. I mean it. One day, this WILL be over. I’ve paid some heavy, heavy dues toward a large blessing. Yes, I do believe in and have a relationship with God, and believe in blessings. I’m a Christian, though not the perfect one, by any means (and any REAL Christian knows there is no such thing. If any of us were the perfect Christian, we would no longer need God or His son, Jesus, at all). But, I digress…..I believe that just the way Job suffered and earned his miracle, I’m in the process of earning one too. I want to share that event when I do.

So, if you feel so compelled, it would be an honor to have you follow along. I promise that it won’t be boring, and despite the fact that it is my misery that I’m sharing with you, you will find plenty of humor in reading about it. That’s how I try to cope with things…by laughing about it.

Thank you,
and Cheers, Darlin’!